uncomfortably happy.

i keep it inside. locked away never to be seen again, always predicting the worse outcome to happen. I am frightened of the term rejection. I'm not sure if I want to fix it or not. Everyone knows it I guess I make it obvious unintentionally I guess that just show's that my feelings are slowly oozing out of my locked box know as my heart. Always using napkins to clean up the mess and trying to cover it up but they always rip and never work out. I have this gut feeling in my heart it will NEVER work out. People tell me to ask but I won't because I know that it will be a No. It's this fatal attraction that I've tried to get over many of times but I won't stop so I sit there wasting away let the times go watch sharks come and go never there to stay. I no longer feel self a chance anymore just a voice in the head just a moral barrier between good and bad just advice just a friend. My situation is complicated there is no cure for me but face my fear which will not happen. Maybe it's not meant to be I just know so It is so I keep as is only knowing that my demise is sure to come soon and explode one day which I dread the day it comes because I fear of what might happen. I live in a never ending circle.

Morals.

Yeahh throught out most of my life i've had good morals and always did the right thing and always was the good guy. Thing is that I'm tired of it all I want to experience the fast life sort of say and this year has been sure as hell fast trying new things. but I think this next year as a Senior I'm not going to stick to my morals as much anymore honestly I want to exprience the crazy parties and the drunk nights haha. Slowly but surely my morals becoming a mere figment of my past, Is this good ? Doubt it, but I think everyone deserves some fun time even if its a little illegal.