girls girls girls

are confusing.

tense.

phases and phrases are all coming by like a slow heart beat of a dying old man, I try to pace my self like a teen hooked on e. things are should come around right? or do they really ?

pathetic

I guess i'm turning into something I didn't want to be but honestly I guess I'm getting

"desperate" when it comes to a girlfriend situation. I admit I do get jealous more so then often nowa days when i see couples just sitting together and they share that bond between each other where they look into their eyes and all they see is there wonderful times together. And people always tell oh wow you've never had a girl friend? wow good job you're not like a man whore. Ahh well to tell you the truth I feel left out because all my friends have had girl friends or have them and I want to expirence what they expirence the ups and downs and just be able to say I've been there. Honestly I am waiting for the day my friends want to hangout and I'll say nah man I can't I'm going to hangout with my girlfriend. :(

I don't know what you call it. low self esteem or what.

I don't know how to put it in the right words but I'm so self conciouses about myself its stupid.. I need to keep losing weight I've been kind on a plateau lately and not really gaining or losing weight. Honestly what I think if i lost more weight girls would like me more. It's just the way I look at it and I can't change it but force my self to change. with almost any measures needed. fml.

uncomfortably happy.

i keep it inside. locked away never to be seen again, always predicting the worse outcome to happen. I am frightened of the term rejection. I'm not sure if I want to fix it or not. Everyone knows it I guess I make it obvious unintentionally I guess that just show's that my feelings are slowly oozing out of my locked box know as my heart. Always using napkins to clean up the mess and trying to cover it up but they always rip and never work out. I have this gut feeling in my heart it will NEVER work out. People tell me to ask but I won't because I know that it will be a No. It's this fatal attraction that I've tried to get over many of times but I won't stop so I sit there wasting away let the times go watch sharks come and go never there to stay. I no longer feel self a chance anymore just a voice in the head just a moral barrier between good and bad just advice just a friend. My situation is complicated there is no cure for me but face my fear which will not happen. Maybe it's not meant to be I just know so It is so I keep as is only knowing that my demise is sure to come soon and explode one day which I dread the day it comes because I fear of what might happen. I live in a never ending circle.

Morals.

Yeahh throught out most of my life i've had good morals and always did the right thing and always was the good guy. Thing is that I'm tired of it all I want to experience the fast life sort of say and this year has been sure as hell fast trying new things. but I think this next year as a Senior I'm not going to stick to my morals as much anymore honestly I want to exprience the crazy parties and the drunk nights haha. Slowly but surely my morals becoming a mere figment of my past, Is this good ? Doubt it, but I think everyone deserves some fun time even if its a little illegal.

tecktonik

Oh my god, at first sight of people doing I became infatuated with it. I don't care what other people say I think its one of the sickest dances ever. I want to learn really bad and I'm going to begin praticing as much as I can I'm already starting to learn the basic steps! I can't wait till I'm a lot better and when I go to parties when the techno is bumping I'm going to bust a move haha!

Here's a Introduction to the music that "the boys" bump in Lex 1's car.

Dj Antoine - Work your Pussy_This Time (Mix) -